What the hell is this dump we call the England national team?

Last year we probably told you to be good England fans and keep the faith. We were wrong.

Roy Hodgson is not the leader we need, or the leader we deserve

He’s not even close. We need Roy Hodgson like West Ham needs another long ball. This is the guy who recruited Paul Konchesky for his disastrous Liverpool team and is now drafting in the obvious potential of Fabian Delph and Jack Colback to match our tournament ambitions. Watch out Euro 2016 – if we even manage to qualify.

Wayne Rooney needs to show his balls

And by balls, I mean big Louis van Gaal cojones. It’s hard to think once upon a time ago people were putting Rooney in the same bracket as Ronaldo and Messi – now that statement yields as much faith as his male pattern baldness. He has the talent but lacks the ambition and endeavour of his more successful peers – it’s about time he steps up now that he’s captain for club and country.

Are we still playing 4-4-2?

No, seriously, are we still trying to make this work? When did it ever work? I’ll tell you – when Emile Heskey played left wing. Now that’s what you’d pay to watch.

Nobody has any idea what we’re doing and how we’re supposed to fix it

And that’s why people like you and me keep arguing about playing Lampard and Gerrard in the centre and whether England’s next IT girl is the new David Bentley.

We’re English

Yes, let’s just put up with it.

Leave a Reply